Caught between the tension of
coming closer
retreating to safety
standing at the edge of the fire
craving warmth
fearing the burn
it’s different here for
people like us
pacing like two tigers
who have been caged
wounded
bruised
our scars are similar
some still tender
ripe with possibility
salvation
annihilation
and so we
pace.
A love poem from a narcissist
It was love at first sight.
You captured my attention
From across the room.
I caught your eye and
with a sly comment,
Your interest.
I drew you closer
Like a magnet, pulled you in
I peered deep into your eyes
And managed to touch your soul.
You let me in
And I loved it.
Finally, someone who got me.
Someone who saw me
Someone who would love me
Unconditionally
You became my mirror
I liked what I saw.
Even in light of my flaws
You didn’t reject me
You offered me space to become
Without forcing your agenda
Until my selfishness
Became too much.
The cracks started showing
A façade can only stand so long
You saw me for what I truly am
Your hurt disguised as anger
With me as cause, effect and cure
Until I wasn’t.
You picked up your chin
Put your shoulders square to mine
Reclaimed your dignity
walked away from me
Just as elegant as when you walked in.
I hated you.
Now, you simply pity me
While I try to stymie you
You refuse to play my game
I almost want to admire you
If my ego’d let me, I would.
I still hate you.
In you, I found myself.
I ate your soul
Became your beauty.
I sensed your vulnerability
Played the character
You wanted.
You are not my perfect reflection anymore
Because you reflect back the truth
And I am far too flawed to face myself
Embrace myself.
I love the image I’ve made
Don’t tear it down.
I’ll walk away
Pretend it was my choice to leave
Make you out to be the damaged one.
But I hate that we both know the truth
I was never
Good enough for you.
weary warrior
If I peer a little closer
I see the terror that still takes over
when you think of
letting your well-polished armor down
Wondering
If exposing your heart would
become the biggest blessing
or last mistake.
When you take small steps toward me
telling me a secret
shedding a tear
exposing a fear
I hold them like a jewel
And I will guard them with all I’ve got
You will learn
That you are safe
I am safe.
The world is still frightful
but we can weather it
together.
Until then,
I will continue gathering
the jewels of your experience
placing them carefully in safe of
my heart.
Polishing your armor when you need it
and wielding a sword on your behalf.
One day,
weary warrior
you will set aside your arms
& I will welcome you
into mine.
(c) Lisa Vallejos, 2014
It is not enough
for my lover to penetrate
my body
Unless he is able
to enter my soul.
It is not enough
to exchange breath in
our lungs
Without the co-mingling
of our spirits.
It is not enough
To have his hands
on my breasts
If he’s unwilling
to touch my heart.
It is not enough
For my lover to give
his erection
Without offering his strength
in my life.
Dr. Lisa Vallejos 