I’ve been reflecting a lot recently about life, love, relationships, sexuality, sensuality and how in the hell to combine them all together and make it work. I am on an expedition and I have had some great insights as well as some humbling discoveries.
I come from a long line of strong women. My grandmother raised 9 children alone. Many of my aunts had children very young but almost all of them went on to have very successful careers. My mother raised my brother and I alone for most of our lives and still managed to make it to every important event. Like many dads, mine bailed when I was an infant and to this day our relationship is touch and go.
I don’t know if I was always an “Alpha” type but I scored about as high as an alpha goes. I hear I was pretty stubborn as a little girl so perhaps that streak was always there but I believe wholeheartedly that I became as I am by necessity.
“I am woman, hear me roar”, sang Helen Reddy. I LOVED the image of Rosie the Riveter. I believe in equal pay for equal work and I was right there with Destiny’s Child, throwing my hands up because I depend on me. That was it. I was going to be all things and have the life I wanted, even if I had to do it alone.
I realize that in the pursuit of education, financial success and independence that I have lost something vital. I have lost my sense of authentic femininity. Honestly, I don’t think I have ever had it. I have given authentic femininity good lip service but I didn’t really know what it meant to be feminine. I wasn’t sure I could be powerful and feminine or that I could believe in gender equality and be feminine, so I stayed in the safe middle ground. I didn’t want my femininity to be abused by a misguided man who didn’t know how to handle his masculinity. I wasn’t sure how to be the woman that I want to be so I hid behind books and lectures, trying to understand this new emergence of myself. I suppose you can say the time has come for this caterpillar to shed its cocoon because these wings are itching to fly.
Authentic femininity, as I see it, is at the core receptive. In the sexual union of man and woman, the woman must open herself, become vulnerable and soft in order for the man’s strength to penetrate her. I believe this physical act is a very clear visual on what authentic masculinity and femininity look like when they work together. I don’t believe that embracing my femininity will make me weak; indeed, it’s much more courageous to be vulnerable and surrender the desire to control at the right time. Authentic femininity is not foolish; the feminine woman has self-respect and standards by which she leads her life. Authentic femininity is not a seeking, grasping energy but is rather open to receive, whether that’s from friends, lovers or the Universe.
At the core, authentic femininity is inviting. I am not referring to a manipulative seduction that is based on “I’ll do what it takes to get what I want” but rather a living invitation that, by simply being, magnetizes all things needed and desired. This is me…It has always been me at the core; it just took me a while to get here. I can’t help but wonder how many other women feel the same.