A casual scroll through social media will expose a truth that many don’t believe & many more simply choose to ignore. That is the principle that Like Attracts Like. This principle, also known as the Law of Attraction is age old–it tells us that what we focus on tends to grow. It tells us that wherever our minds focus tends to magnify. It’s like buying a new car–when you finally make that purchase, you suddenly see EVERY car that looks just like yours on the road.
Now, some will tell you that it’s energetic and that your thoughts vibrate on a certain level & that only that which reflects that same vibration will come your way. For others who are not so New Age or esoteric, the principle can also be broken down into what you’ve trained your mind to see. So, if your mind is wired to only see negative, nasty things, that’s what you’ll see. You see, our brains are wired early in life & the patterns we get there are simply reinforced later in life by our experiences.
This principle applies to relationships as well-There are so many people in our world who say things like “there are no good men” or “all women are liars”. Guess what? That belief will continue to reinforce itself because that’s all you’re training your mind to see! In the book, A General Theory of Love, the authors suggest that “even if the perfect lover descended from heaven on a sunbeam right before you, you’d still not be able to see him/her because your mind is not wired to see him/her”. Until you get your mind right, you’ll continue having the same experiences!
Lastly, relationships are a mirror–they show you what your blocks & limiting beliefs might be–so if you are continually attracting men who aren’t faithful or women who use you, then the odds are pretty good that there is something within YOU that believes that is what you deserve. And that’s one of the hardest things to face for many people. Because no one wants to believe that the things that have been causing them pain are a reflection of themselves–but that’s exactly where the change needs to begin.
Instead of lamenting on the faults & failures of your last partners, I suggest that you turn your binoculars around and look at yourself. Ask yourself WHY you keep choosing the same type of person. Ask yourself what about you is being reflected in your choice of partners. Look at the biggest complaint you have about your last few partners & ask yourself what purpose that behavior served. You might find that they were simply reflecting something in you that you haven’t wanted to acknowledge. For a long time, I chose partners who were “emotionally unavailable” and while I didn’t like being “lonely”, it was safer for me than to risk emotionally. I chose the men simply because I KNEW on some level that because they skated the surface of raw vulnerability, I would not have to conquer my own fear of depth. Once I recognized the pattern & the need it met for me, I was able to address my fear of being truly seen & begin choosing more deep partnerships.
You know, at the end of the day, you are the one who has chosen them so in order to change the pattern, you must first examine why you picked that person. The great thing? You can choose at any time to re-write your narrative & change the way it ends.