Caught between the tension of
retreating to safety
standing at the edge of the fire
fearing the burn
it’s different here for
people like us
pacing like two tigers
who have been caged
our scars are similar
some still tender
ripe with possibility
and so we
I heard someone say yesterday that the greatest untapped resource in the world is angry mothers & that, combined with some of the things I’ve seen lately has mobilized this angry mama bear. Why? Because my family and many others have encountered an organization that is supposed to help us but ends up hurting more people.
When Gabriel was born, I was advised to get him on SSI because he would always have insurance. Little did I know that the process to get him qualified & KEEP him qualified was a nightmare. First off, he was denied initially despite the fact that HLHS is considered on the “red list” of diagnoses which should have qualified him immediately. At the time, I filed an appeal which was denied & I didn’t have the energy to fight it ’cause, you know, I was caring for a medically fragile infant. When I finally got the energy up to re-apply, Gabriel was 3 and it took nine months to get approval and I’m convinced that the only reason he got approved is because I broke down in the appeals hearing and the judge felt bad for me.
Since that time, Gabriel’s SSI has been revoked because I went over the income limit–they cancelled his insurance and gave me two weeks notice. Needless to say, I flipped my shit because a heart transplant kiddo simply can’t be without insurance. Fortunately for me, I had an ally that helped me get him covered quickly. I’m not even going to touch the “overpayment” issue but suffice it to say that if they don’t approve my appeal, GABRIEL will be saddled with debt (of course, I’ll pay it but the issue is how fu*king stupid is THAT?).
Long & short–having a kid with a heart transplant is hard enough. There are so many things that we have to deal with on a daily basis AND we have to deal with the fact that our babies may have limited lives. There is a TON of grief that comes with that as it is and then when you add in things like having your kids medical insurance or the additional income that many families rely on pulled with no real reason and hardly any notice is just WRONG. With that said, I have posted a petition to ask SSI to change Heart Transplant to a lifetime condition….because no parent should have to keep proving that their kid is “sick enough”.
Will you sign and share? I’m taking this to the White House if I have to.
I actually texted that message to a friend today (minus the asterisk of course).
The Rules…Act like a lady, think like a man…How to get a date worth keeping…blah blah blah.
See, the thing is that if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that using strategies to catch a date means that you will have to maintain those same strategies to KEEP the person. Whenever someone adopts “rules” to try to manipulate (yeah, I said it) someone else into being what they want, it’s bound to be a losing endeavor. Two reasons why: people don’t like being manipulated and you will always go back to being who you really are!
The movie Act Like a Lady was entertaining but the premise bugged me. All these people playing games to try to get love and it all backfires. Of course, it’s Hollywood so it turns out ok in the end but in real life, that doesn’t happen. People find out you’ve been lying about who you are, they will leave your ass in a second. If they don’t, you may want to question why they would stay cause anyone with self-respect isn’t going to tolerate that sort of thing.
When people implement strategies and rules in their relationships, it almost always fails. Because if it’s not really in your frame of reference to “withhold the cookie” for 90 days, you will do what the girl in ALALTLAM did–gave in because her NATURE was to do so. If you are still following petty “rules” like “wait three days and then call” or “wait for two hours to respond to his text”, let me clue you in–you’re playing games and NO ONE will win.
If you want to change how you relate to people, do it because that’s what you want, not because some book tells you what to do. If you want to be treated like a high value woman, then start by believing it for yourself first and then you will inherently require it of the people you interact with. Set guidelines for yourself based on what you need and what works for you but don’t try to live according to some set of rules that are not who you really are.
I can attest from personal experience and from my work with my clients that working internally, breaking patterns and healing old wounds has resulted in a natural change in how I relate to people. So yeah…f*ck the rules. Get real, own your shit and change your life. That’s how it happens.